


'Vampire' is not a career choice

by tawg



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, anyway, but I remember thinking that she'd probably have the most energetic blood, early season 1, everything is the same except apparently will is a vampire, glee kink meme prompt fill, sue sylvester is a passive vampire snack in this, tho this is very non-kinky, which I know is a terrible use of her character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-01
Updated: 2010-06-01
Packaged: 2018-10-15 08:37:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10553338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tawg/pseuds/tawg
Summary: Finn discovers something unexpected about his teacher. Both of them are surprisingly calm about it.





	

Finn always feels weird walking around the school after classes are over, but he found out from Kurt during football practice that if his Spanish essay isn’t in by the end of the week then that means he’ll fail the assignment. And if he fails the assignment then he’ll have to ace the exam, and it is just not possible for Finn to ace an exam. But he knows that Mr Schue is usually back late on Tuesday’s, because he’s seen him talking with Coach, so if he can just find him Finn can beg for a few more days (weeks, maybe another month or two) to get things done. And after walking through every single corridor in the whole building, and checking the choir room and the auditorium twice each, it turns out that there’s a light on in Mr Schue’s office. Finn takes a moment to smack himself in the forehead before pushing the door open.

“Hey, Mr Schue-”

And then Finn stops. Because there is Mr Schue, with Coach Sylvester in his arms, looking exactly like a deer in the headlights.

“Finn. Hi.” There’s a long pause, and smaller details start filling in, like the little red smear around Mr Schue’s mouth. “This isn’t what it looks like?” he tries at last.

“Oh,” Finn says with an easy smile. “Well that’s good. Because it kinda looks like you’re some kind of creepy vampire or something, and Coach Sylvester is a midnight snack. Except, you know, it’s not midnight.”

And Mr Schue has a look on his face that Finn has worn a few times himself – that kind of blank expression where your brain is trying to think so fast that you’re not actually thinking anything at all. Very slowly, like he’s hoping that Finn won’t notice, Mr Schue lifts a hand and uses the sleeve of his shirt to wipe the smudge of red away from the corner of his mouth.

“Wait, are you a vampire? You are, aren’t you? And you’re totally eating Coach Sylvester!”

“Could you, ah, give me five minutes maybe?”

“Oh. Oh, right. Do you need to... finish up?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s usually kind of private.”

“Right. No problem.” Finn backs out of the office, and pulls the door firmly closed behind him. His first impulse is to walk as fast as he can and get home and eat the dinner his mom has waiting for him. But then he remembers his paper. And then he remembers the vampire part. And then he spends a few moments thinking about how cool this is. And so, exactly five minutes later, Finn turns the door handle and pokes his head in.

“Are you, uh, decent?” Which totally sounds like something his mom would say. But Mr Schue is sitting at his desk, and there’s no sign of Ms Sylvester, and if it weren’t for Mr Schue frowning at the brown stain on the cuff of his shirt, there would be nothing to indicate anything out of the ordinary.

“Did that really just happen?” Fin asks.

“No,” Mr Schue says after a long pause. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh man, you suck at lying. It totally did!” Finn sits down in the chair across from Mr Schue and leans forward. “Is Coach Sylvester in a ditch somewhere? Or a freezer? Or do you, like, clone her for snacks?”

Mr Schue twitches a little, and blinks at the barrage of questions. “She’s not dead. She’s just... sleeping it off. She’ll be fine.”

“Do you do this often? I mean, stay back late and eat other teachers?”

“It’s not really-” Mr Schue stops, like he’s trying to find the right words. “It’s more like borrowing than eating. When you eat an apple of a cookie it’s gone forever, but the human body can replace any blood lost fairly quickly.”

“So, what, you give the blood back?”

Mr Schue looks guilty. “I give back to the community,” he says at last. “It’s kind of the same thing. In spirit. And I try not to do it often.”

But Finn’s mind is racing. “Do you bite everyone, or do you have favourite flavours or something?”

“It’s just Sue,” Mr Schue replies quietly. “She’s healthy, and recovers quickly, and she’s usually pretty quiet the next day. Which is good.”

“Does she remember it?”

Mr Schue smiles. “No. She remembers not remembering, if that makes sense.” He laughs, “Once I told her that the night before had meant a lot to me, and she assumed the worst. I think she’s happier not knowing what’s going on.”

Finn peers at Mr Schue’s smile, trying to find some impressive fangs, but all he sees are straight teeth that are possibly a little less white than usual. “Wait!” Finn says, slapping his hand on Mr Schue’s desk and making both of them jump. “I’ve seen you outside, in sunlight.”

“Yes.”

“And you eat other things.”

“Yes.”

“Oh.” Finn deflates a little. “I thought that there was stuff that was mandatory. Like having no reflection, and being surrounded by chicks in nightgowns.”

“It’s a lot more like having low iron levels,” Mr Schue replies. “Or low blood sugar.”

“Oh,” Finn says again. “That’s kinda boring. Do you get to live forever?”

Mr Schue smiles, and shakes his head. “No.”

“Or turn into a bat?”

“Definitely no.”

Finn slumps back into his chair. “Wow. Being a vampire sounds really lame.”

“It’s definitely not as interesting as the movies make it out to be.”

Finn takes a moment to digest how uncool being a vampire apparently is. “Do people know?” he asks. “Like, your wife and stuff.”

“No,” Mr Schue replies. “It’s pretty easy to hide, so long as I’m not caught in the act. I used to, uh, ‘borrow’ from Terri and she never knew, but now that’s she’s pregnant that’s not such a great idea.”

“Yeah,” Finn agrees. “Pregnant women are crazy enough without you borrowing their things. Like, I have to bring my own pens to class now and everything. Is it hard? Keeping a secret like that?”

Mr Schue leans back in his chair. “Sometimes. I don’t like lying, and I don’t like sneaking around, and I’m pretty certain that if Sue ever figures it out she’ll attack me with a stake made out of my own fibula. But it’s pretty easy, really.”

There’s a long silence, while Finn tries not to ask his next question. “So, uh, does _anyone_ know?”

Mr Schue gives Finn a long look. “No,” he says at last, his eyes pinning Finn to his seat. His voice goes very quiet. “Just you.”

Finn is suddenly very aware of how loudly his heart is beating. He tries for a playful smile, but it comes out like some kind of primal, scared grimace. “You’re not going to kill me, drink my blood, and then dump my body in the incinerator, are you?”

Mr Schue laughs. “That’s ridiculous,” he says, and Finn smiles in relief. “I need to drink the blood of _live_ things.”

Finn almost dies right then, until he realises that Mr Schue is laughing at him. “Great, vampire humour. _Thanks_. But you’re not going to, like, wipe my mind like you do with Coach Sylvester?”

Mr Schue looks at him, considering. “I usually have a rule about not biting students. It really blurs the lines in the teacher-student relationship.”

“Right,” Finn says, and suddenly can’t help remembering the time that Mr Schue bought him lunch.

“And I certainly want you in top form for Glee,” Mr Schue continues.

“Exactly,” Finn replies, and thinks about the hug in the auditorium, when he’d been crying.

Mr Schue’s eyes drifted lower, settling on Finn’s neck. “And it really wouldn’t be fair to you. You have so much on your plate already.”

“Yeah,” Finn agrees weakly.

“Which reminds me,” Mr Schue says brightly, breaking the moment. “What were you coming to see me about?”

Finn finds himself breathing more easily, and works his way through the mile long list of reasons why he needs an extension, with Mr Schue nodding at each point.

“Alright,” he says. “I’ll bring it up in class tomorrow – I’ve had a few students come to me asking for more time, even though it shouldn’t be taking you all so long.”

“I’ll work on it tomorrow,” Finn says hurriedly. “I promise.”

Mr Schue grins, and his teeth are perfect and white. “Great. You should probably get home, it’s late.”

Finn smiles at Mr Schue as he stands up. “What, you’re not going to threaten me or anything? Make me vow to keep your secret?”

Mr Schue gives Finn an amused look, standing up and leaning against his desk. “Finn, I busted you with drugs in your locker-”

“That _wasn’t mine!_ ”

“And you’re under a lot of stress lately,” he says slowly. “And vampires don’t exist.” Mr Schue smiles, but there’s a little sadness in it. “No one would believe you.”

“Right. I, uh. Right. I’ll just,” Finn points at the door. “I’ll go.”

“Wait,” Mr Schue says as Finn turns to leave, putting a hand on Finn’s shoulder. “You’ve got something, just here-”

*

When Finn wakes up in the morning, he’s still in the same clothes from the night before. His neck is stiff, probably from sleeping funny, and football practice is just a fuzzy memory. He must have _crashed_ when he got home.  



End file.
